The most common statements I hear throughout my coaching career is
“I’m just going to be single forever” or “I’ve been single for (a large amount of) years”.
If you keep getting hurt from others, then that would seem like the smart choice to make, right? But what if that’s still not the right choice though.
Did you know that there are 6 core human needs: (List presented by the great, Tony Robbins)
1) Certainty
2) Uncertainty/Variety
3) Significance
4) Connection/Love
5) Growth
6) Contribution
So, ripping #4 love and connection is starving a basic human need from yourself.
Again, this would seem like the safer choice, but that’s because most people don’t realize that they have any. We have a lot more options and choices than we realize or our hearts are open to.
Sometimes, it takes someone sharing perspective, tools/tips and an invitation to break the cycle in order to see that there’s a way. We limit ourselves based on patterns in our lives.
For example, I wanted to throw away dating years ago myself, because it seemed that all the guys I met would ghost me after a few months or after quite some time eventually leave me. I was tired of the pattern, until I went to therapy and then many years later, got help from a life coach as well.
Here’s what I learned from my many years of experience and training, we are often attached to the possible outcome, because that’s what we have been conditioned to. We create a pattern of who we attract based on our beliefs, thoughts and feelings that may have been most likely developed during our formative years, and/or may have been contributed later in life. However, in order to break the limitations and those types of attractions, we need to uncondition those beliefs and then create a new story. What is your ideal partner? How would you like to connect with them? What do you deserve? Most importantly, do you feel deserving of a good love?
Often, when we pull back the layers of those conditions, some of those beliefs are not always based on the other person’s actions or behaviors, but how we feel about ourselves. Often, we limit ourselves based on our experiences with those of non-romantic connections. Opening the conversation and grasping an understanding of where these feelings are rooted from can really bring forth a completely new insight into why you struggle with your romantic relationships.
I’ll use myself for another example, part of the reason why I attracted partners that left was because I used to feel insignificant as a child, and my mother left me at 13. My fear developed from my mother, my rock, my best friend leaving me in a matter of a moment. If someone as significant and of such value in my life could leave in a blink of an eye, so can my partner.. and they did. Also, the feelings of insignificance based on my brothers getting more attention because they had more needs played a role. My parents admitted that they felt that I was pretty self-sufficient and didn’t need as much attention, so I never felt as loved or worth being nurtured, so I developed the belief that I wasn’t as deserving of love, which carried into my romantic relationships. In turn, both, my thoughts of myself and of others had attracted that line of partners.
Even when you think that those thoughts are not in the forefront of your mind, the history is still held within your subconscious. Almost like how data can be downloaded into a computer. You may not open it up and check on it, so it becomes out of sight, out of mind, but it is still there and still has an impact on your computer. It holds storage that we need to clean out. It’s time the clear the catche.
So, breaking that cycle may take shadow work, support and pulling back the layers of the root problems. As a life coach, I help people with this all the time! You don’t know, what you don’t know. Allow me to break the cycle, and reach a more fulfilling, loving and connective life for you! Let’s reconnect that core human need.
I have 4-week session programs available to completely transition this for you.
Jenn Everson
Forever Soon Fulfilled
Fill out form to work together: https://form.typeform.com/to/GrxnkQ9v
Comments